Sitting waiting for some inspiration

I have been sitting on this blog for the last two weeks, and I keep getting interrupted.  I think it is about time that I bite the bullet, post this sucker, and move on to a bigger and better blog post.

It is so easy to get lost in the chaos of day to day life.   Assuming you are like me, at least somewhat, you are  being pulled in a bunch of different directions.  You are surrounded by what I like to call "life noise."   The kids need food, and attention, the laundry needs to be done, you need to send that email for work, the dog is asking to go outside, and your spouse needs you to find their cell phone charger.   We have all been there before, we are trying to do so many things at the same time we cannot do anything.

Most of the time I focus on making a list first of all the things that I need to get done, and that seems to help calm the noise down, because I can tackle these tasks one at a time.  But the main thing I found was that I need to focus.  Focus not on what I am doing, but in doing whatever I do with love.

Am I doing this in love?  Seems kind of silly right?  Am I letting the dog outside in love?  Am I unloading the dishwasher in love?  I guess my answer would be no.  I am not always doing things because I am happy to do them, or because I love to do them, or even showing my kids that no matter what the task is you can do it in love.

Situations get messy.  We argue with each other, we don't always see eye to eye, and if you ask my oldest daughter.  I am probably not doing anything right.  Not even one tiny thing. But as she grows up I want her to see me as the kind of woman who loved her day to day tasks.  I make lunches everyday not because I have to, but because I love her and I want her to eat healthy.   I want her to know that being a mom is hard, and gritty but is also basically the greatest gift I have ever been given.

That is my thought for today:  Do whatever you are doing in love.  That is all.

The Fruit....it's out of reach

I love the title of this blog.  The fruit that is out of reach.  I like that it sparks some sort of creativity in me, and that anyone who reads this might be thinking I have something interesting to say.  There must be something that is unattainable.  Something I am missing, but I can taste it.  I can feel it's mark.

In this case, it really is a bowl of fruit that is on the other side of the room, and I am too tired, and too ingrained in my own thought process to get up and get it.  The fruit really is out of reach.   What sort of thoughts, might one ask, could possibly be keeping me away from the delicious fruit?  Thoughts about Nano.

Most of you, who have read my blog know of National Novel Writing month.  Every year in November, I wrap myself in an over-sized sweater, throw on some pajama pants and start writing.  It doesn't matter that the housework takes a hit, and that one time I forgot to buy bread because for 30 days I get to be creative and write a novel.  This will be my fourth year participating in Nano, and to be honest this is the first year that I think I might not get it accomplished.  

I need ideas, I need inspiration, I need a muse.   I need a saying, a quote, a spark.  I need something....  what do you do when you need something you google it.

Does my main character find:  a love note, a new story, a new life, herself, a dog, a love of something she never thought she could do, drugs, peace, a party invitation, a lost locket, a locked closet....

What does my main character want?  Why can't she have it?  Why does she want it?  Those are all the things that will propel my story forward and they are all jumbled inside my head right now with no real direction.  Am I writing for adults, young adults or children this year?    Let's hope if I am writing for kids my main character does NOT find drugs.

One more month....one more month and I better have organized some of these ideas!

Blogging and Baking

I have a much needed 30 minutes to myself.  My house is clean, my work is done, and I am opting to bake and blog.  The downside to baking by  myself is that I didn't get help from the kids, and my daughters are excellent bakers.  The upside was that I got to lick the spoon, and I usually give the spoons away.   But now the warm cookies are cooling on the counter, and I can blog!

I have been focusing more lately on the bigger picture.  Not that I am ignoring the small details, that is something I cannot afford to do.  I still have to remember to do all the little things that every mom has to remember to do like make lunches, do homework, cleaning, laundry, working etc.  But I think that sometimes the details get in the way of what the bigger picture is.  

I guess I should define what I think the bigger picture is.  You might not agree with what my bigger picture is and that is perfectly fine.  Everyone has a different bigger picture.  For me, right now it is:  Who am I forming my children to be?  Who am I doing all these little things for? Am I consistently being a light for my family and for those around me?  Am I too focused on the task, and the details to remember that the important thing right now is the relationships?

Who am I forming my children to be?  In an ideal world I am forming my children to adore the Lord, to not sweat the small stuff, to know how to balance work and life, and to live life to it's fullest.    I am only human though, so in addition to those things I want them to see me make mistakes.  I make mistakes.  I make so many mistakes.  I make them everyday.  I want them to see me get mad and come back with an apology and some humility.  I want them to see a discussion with my husband, and watch us come to a resolution.  I want them to know that in life you don't have to be perfect.  You don't have to have a perfect house, and you don't have to keep up with the Joneses pun definitely intended.

Who am I doing all these little things for and am I being a light?  I believe, that no matter what I am doing I should be doing it for the Lord.  Every move. Every day.  What an incredible thing to strive for.   I know that I am not always a light, but I will wake up everyday aiming to be a light, and to do it all for God.

Am I lost in the details, or the relationships?   Not everyone has the built in ability to let the laundry sit unfolded, and the dishes sit in the sink, to let things slide so that they can sit down on the floor and play Pretty Pretty Princess.  I am one of those people.  The dishes plague me, and the laundry well, don't even get me started.  The one thing that I find though is that I never regret leaving the laundry, but I always regret not playing that board game, or stopping to give someone a hug.

What is your bigger picture?  How do you focus your priorities on what matters the most to you??

Back to school things

I have to admit that I am struggling a little bit.  Samantha is going into Kindergarten and Phebe is going to Upper Elementary school.   The thought of both of them gone all day five days a week causes a cacophony of emotions for me.   I am excited for them.  Excited for the new experience, and the new friends that they will meet.  I am sad because I think the house will be a little bit more lonely, and a little bit too quiet.   I am overwhelmed, grateful, nervous, and all the things I think every mom is probably feeling at the start of each school year where we are prompted to let go of our babies just a little bit more.  

I know it is good for them.  I know they need the independence, and I know that everything is going to be great.  But I am still allowed to miss them, and I am still allowed hug them fiercely every morning before they go to school.

I do have advice for them this year, and so I am writing it down.

Phebe-

You are amazing.   I have watched you grow over the past year and I am continuously amazed at the young lady you are becoming.   I already miss you, and you haven't even stepped on the bus yet.  If there were one thing that I would want you to know for this year it would be this:  You don't have to be the best, and you don't have to be perfect.  Your dad and I already love you as much as we possibly can.  We are always going to love you, we are always going to be here, and that is never going to change.  You don't need to prove anything to us.   You don't need to be the best at anything, because to us you already are the best.  

Focus this year on being kind, brave, loving, and compassionate.  Be kind to all the new friends you will meet.  Be brave as you face new challenges, meet new people and discover new emotions you haven't experienced yet.  Be a child full of love, and compassion for those around you.   I know you like to lead, and if you lead in love nothing else will matter. 

 You are so wonderfully made, Phebe!  You were made to feel things so much more than other people do, and while that is hard, it is also such an amazing gift!  Trust that God will lead you through this year, and remember that He knows where you are going all you have to do is follow. 

My verse for you this year:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

I love you so much,
Mom


Samantha-

My little Melon.  If I could describe you in one word it would be joy.  You are such an amazing little girl.  It is going to be such a big year for you starting Kindergarten.  I am going to miss you every single moment of every single day.   I have so many little bits I would love to tell you as you start your first year of school, but one thing screams out at me, and that is:  Don't change, but grow.

You are so loving, and so full of kindness.  I don't think I could better equip you if I tried.  God has blessed you with the amazing ability to love people without abandon.  You have an amazing intuition to understand what people need, and I love to see you care for others.  I have learned so much about love from you.  Love your classmates, and show them every kindness you have always shown at home, and nothing else will matter.  

I don't care if you get straight As, and I don't care if you are the best in your class.  You are going to mess up sometimes because life is messy and we all mess up.  That is ok, it is more than ok, it is normal, and we are always going to love you no matter what.  Just get up everyday and know that God can do anything for you.  Anything at all.

My verse for you this year is:  God can do all things.  Matthew 19:26

I love you so much,
Mom

When the forces are against you

May the force be with you, or not as was the case for me yesterday.  I am convinced that sometimes there are forces out there that will try to bring you down in any way possible.  Those are the days where everything is just way more difficult than it has to be.

Yesterday, I had to work both of my jobs, my alarm didn't go off and I missed my devotional time in the morning, Samantha came down with strep, the baby didn't nap, my copies weren't made for the presentation that I had to give, the sound broke on my computer...  I think you get the idea.   I could have just given up.  I could have thrown in the towel and tried again another day.  But I didn't. 

Today, I am here to say that I won.   I made my presentation without the paperwork, I got all my chores done with the baby, and I did it all with a smile on my face, and joy in my heart. 

You lose forces.  You lose.

Want or Need.

I read a lot of posts on facebook.  I know, I have nothing better to do with my time than to read facebook posts, but I don't think anyone out there is judging me because you have nothing to do better either do you??    Reading all these posts made me start to think, and eventually I started to take a poll.  Not just on facebook, but in general.   What do people need?  And what do people want, but they think they need?

I know it seems confusing in today's world.  What do we need?  There is the basic answer of water, food, and shelter.  We all need these things, but I am willing to give people a little bit more leeway than that.  I don't bat an eye when people say I need to have a car to get to work, or I need a new shirt. (Even if you probably have another 10 shirts at home and don't need another).

I started to notice so many things that are off with everyone, myself included. A friend who needs to have salad every night for dinner, people claiming they need to get a bigger house, a newer car, they need to have a specific kind of cereal, air-conditioning in the car.  I have seen people say I need for some crazy things.   Well, no sorry you don't NEED a bigger house or a newer car.  But I do get that you want those things.

One afternoon, I said to a girlfriend that I hate the bedding that we have.  Bill bought it before we got married, and it is very masculine, and not at all my style.   She responded "Oh yeah, I don't like that either you totally need to go get new bedding."  This struck a chord with me.  Did I want new bedding?  Yes! It  would be nice to have bedding that we both liked, but did I need it?  Of course not.  The bedding, while not my style, is still really nice bedding.  The bedding fills its purpose.  It keeps me warm in the winter, and I can kick it down in the summer.  No, we didn't need new bedding.  I just wanted it.

So, why does it matter?  Who cares if people say want or need?  I guess what I have been thinking the most lately is about my kids.  Do my kids understand that we are among the top 5% in the entire world just because we own a house and a car?   Do they understand that they don't need ipads, or ipods or laptops?  We don't need cable tv, or air conditioning in the car.  Do they really understand the difference about what is important in life?  Do they understand the difference between what they really need and what they want?

Are we living open-handed?  Are we not taking the things we have for granted, and spreading love and wealth wherever we can?  Am I setting the right example and really teaching them what is important, and what is not?

I guess I better watch the example that I am setting for my kids.  

Ponderings

The past week or so has flown by in a crazy, hot, summer-filled blur.  I would like to say I have been stopping to "smell the roses" but it has all been go, go, go.   I have been enjoying having all the kids home, and finally being able to go back outside.   I have so many things running through my head that this blog is going to be list-style!   

1.   Claire had her first official swim in the pool yesterday, and it was adorable.  She was batting her little fists around and laughing at everything around her.   She actually protested when I took her out after 20 minutes because I didn't want her to get too cold.   She is also 6-months-old today.  How did that go by so fast?  I cannot believe we are half way through her first year already.  I feels surreal.

2.  Apparently they are making gyms now that ban skinny people?  Why can't we all just get along?  Why do we need to ban people from things?  Now, I realize I am saying this from a single point of view.   But is there really a reason to ban people from working out because they are skinny or fat?   Shouldn't the overall goal to have everyone be fit and confident?

3.  I have fallen behind on my novel.  Well, not technically behind since I edited 30 pages in the first week, but I am not on week 3, and I have edited exactly another 3 pages.  My original goal of 10 pages a week is being met, but I really should try and focus this week.  I have hit one of those points in my book that is really difficult to edit.  The emotions are raw, they feel very real, and I am the kind of writer that has to totally invest herself in the character to write the emotions.   I think it is time to take a breath and just dive in.

4.  We cancelled cable.  I know crazy right, but we don't need it.   We have netflix, and we have the computer.  I don't think we are really even going to miss it.  It will also limit what we have available which will promote more activities that don't involve television.  I like all of that!

5.  I have a huge list of new recipes to try.  Recipes that involve things like quinoa (my new favorite breakfast) and they look delicious.   My family thinks I am insane.  And I am pretty sure Bill thinks I am trying to kill him by making so much healthy food.

6.  In my devotions lately I have been obsessed with 1 Corinthians 13: 7-8:  Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  I know that this is normally used in weddings, but if you research the meaning of the word that specific love is "agape" love, or divine love.  It is the way God loves us, what he does for us.  I would suggest rereading the passage and really focus on that thought.   Wow!

Ok, those are just 6 little thoughts from me.  The baby is about to wake up and I know I can edit a few pages.  :)