The Santa Debate

I have been seeing Santa lately.  I don't mean that I have been seeing the "real" Santa, or the Santa at the mall, but old men that actually look like Santa.  This Tuesday I was driving in to work, and Samantha announced that she just waved to Santa.  I was not at all surprised because Samantha waves at people and dogs and trees out the window when I drive.  Once she even waved at a car because it was pink, and "that is her favorite." When I glanced over to see what she had waved at this time, there was a little old man driving the car next to me who could have been Santa.   Full on long white beard, and long hair.  He even had on a red hat.  I smiled at him as we pulled off and laughed at Samantha.

Wednesday, I was putting gas in the car, and there he was again, my street Santa.  It was not the same old man, but another who really could have been Santa, he was a little rounder than the first.  He seemed jolly walking across the gas station as our eyes met, and I once again smiled at the Santa Clause that walked cross my path.


Finally, yesterday I went to pick up salad for my best friend and I at dinner, and there sitting in the restaurant was Santa, with Mrs. Clause.  Again, it was another old man who was the text book example of Santa.  All of the kids in the restaurant were pointing, and asking their parents if he was really Santa, and he was laughing at all the kids who were pointing obviously thinking it was funny.

It brought up a very silly, and yet obvious question.  Are there more Santa like men out there at Christmas time?  Or is it that I am only noticing right now because it is December, and my own sentiments are skewing the situation?   And so it begins.....the Santa debate.

Stir Crazy Jones Family

I love it when winter comes around.  The cool, crisp air, the snow flurries.  I especially love the scarves, gloves, hats and boots.    So far, this is not as much fun as it has been in years past though.  We have had a lot of wet, rainy cold weather which leaves all of us stuck in the house.

November was not such a problem for me because it was National Novel Writing Month time. Nanowrimowrymo, as bill calls it.   I spent all of November writing my novel, and yes, it came easier this year than it did the year before.   I was surprised at how well my characters came alive once I started writing.   All I can say is, if you didn't try and write something this year, you should try next year.   It is a really, really great challenge, and so much fun!

Now that December has hit, I am officially stir crazy, and so are the kids.  I want to get out and do something active.   There is always the mall, but it has been extra crazy there since everyone and their mother is shopping.   I can go to the library, but that is not active.  I need suggestions of places that are not too costly,that we can go play, and exert some energy.   Any ideas?

Mean Girls

I have a bone to pick with all the mean girls out there.  The more I research, the more I realize that there are not a lot of tools around to educate our daughters about being secure, about dealing with insecurity and dealing with mean girls.   How do we teach our daughters to have confidence that is NOT dependent on other people?  How do we teach them to not be one of the mean girls, to love each other instead of tearing each other apart?  Hopefully, we are teaching be example, but is that enough?

Let’s face it, we have all had a laugh about the movies that have these gorgeous girls acting mean, and trivial, but this is an actual growing problem.  My husband, a high school teacher, has told me on numerous occasions that the girls are getting in more fist fights than the boys nowadays.  These fights are on top of the mortifying level of emotional damage that girls inflict upon each other.

What has caused this drastic change?  What are WE as parents doing differently, and what can we do to make our girls not only nice girls, but the girls that can help stop the meanness?

When did we get to the point where our entire self worth is based on other people?  What they say, what they do, and how we fit into that.  I can pinpoint exactly where I started to feel this.  I was 14, still at an emotional in between.  Adolescence had hit in full force as I was dealing with all the changes that come along with it, hormones, new boobs, hormones, peer pressure, hormones.  Did I mention, all the crazy hormones shooting through my body?   I was at the beach with my best friend, and we had just finished a swim, after lying out in the sun for awhile.  There was this really cute guy, Rob, who was 16 and a few of his friends hanging out with us. My best friend had a HUGE crush on him.  We were all sitting, goofing off and talking.    Rob was asking my friend to go to a party with him later at another hang out spot in the neighborhood.  (Consequently, we knew we couldn’t go, but she said yes anyways.)   Rob went on to say that I was not invited because I was both “fat and ugly.”   I said nothing, she said nothing.  His friends laughed at my expense and I walked off.  I went back down the sand, gathered my stuff with as much confidence as I could muster, walked past them into the street, and walked home.   Once I was out of their sight I cried the entire way home.

Why should his opinion have affected me so much?  I knew I was not fat. At this point I think the jury was still out on whether or not I thought I was beautiful, but I at least knew I was non-ugly.  A term I hate to use because of its negative connotations, but I was 14, I had a lot to learn.  I still do.

I know you are thinking, why the uproar now?  You are 29, well adjusted.  Phebe, my older daughter, came home from school a few days ago to inform me that one of her “friends” had called her fat, and boring.  Not only did she say it right to Phebe’s face, but she also tried to rally the other children into saying the same things.  I had a very upset, and distraught child.  

Phebe never ever thought she was fat before this, in fact, it was not something she ever voiced concern about.   But one day, one opinion, is enough to make her question everything she was so confident in.

Phebe and I did have a talk about how some kids have to make other kids feel bad so that they feel good about themselves.  And that this concept is absurd, but unfortunately common.

This blog is going out to the parents of meangirls, to the mean girls themselves, and to anyone who has been affected by this epidemic.  The time has come to take a stand.  Who is going to stand with me?

Maura's Friends for Change

I have been challenged today.  Somewhere between getting Bill's lunch made at 6:00 this morning (because the nyquil made me forget last night), getting the kids off to school and rushing off to my 2 hour meeting that I had to get to before I went in to the office today... I forgot to enjoy my morning. I forgot to take a few breaths and just let myself be. 

I forgot that the most important moments, are not getting ready, and having everyone's hair done and their clothes perfect.  But kissing my husband through the glass shower door before he leaves, and getting that first overly warm hug from Samantha as she bounds into my room with her blanket with a smile on her face, or seeing Phebe's ever growing adorable leg hanging over the side of the bed as she resists getting up for another day.  I think you get the point.

How much different if your day was mostly focusing on those moments, or on the people around you?   That is what I was thinking in the car on the way home.   I started thinking about all the things that we are told not to do.  Don't lie, cheat, or steal.  Don't litter, waste water, or throw away something that can be recycled.  We are surrounded my don't.  

Let's instead focus on DO.  Do be honest.  Do stop when you see someone in need.    Do kiss your kids everyday.  Do kiss your spouse everyday.  Do enjoy the little moments.  Do let your family know how much they are wanted and loved. 

What is ONE thing you can DO today?  Just decide and do it!

Baking my way through the fall

I love the first few days of fall, the intricate mix of crisp air and crunchy leaves.  I love to leave the windows open and let the house get cold while I am cuddled under a blanket drinking tea.  Most people go through spring cleaning, while I tend to go through fall cleaning.  I like to reorganize my house, clean and bake, and cook, and in the process make things more homey.  

This year I really dove in, I had 3 closets reorganized, the whole house cleaned and then had 2 days of glorious baking.   I was not alone in this endeavor, Tania came over, and together we made snickerdoodles, pumpkin pie, apple cranberry pie, chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin cookies and pumpkin pudding.   My house smells absolutely decadent, like cinnamon, pumpkin, cookies and butter.   

I was particularly proud of the dinner I made last night, a homemade tomato sauce with bowtie pasta that Bill tried and liked despite the fact that there were hunks of tomato in it.   I also, did not get ANY complaints from the kids which means it was a success!  

My next endeavor is going to by far be my best.  I am making a hop scotch cake for Phebe's birthday.  This particular cake is Martha Stewart, and looks particularly difficult.   I have to make my way around parchment paper, and all of a sudden know how to decorate a cake.  I am going to have to try one first before the party, but I will make it and I will be successful.   I may even post a picture of the finished cake!

On things I have to reprimand for, but actually think are hilarious

I am working today, and it is a good day.  There are things to get done, but I am not overwhelmed with tasks. Samantha is playing nicely, talking politely and remember to "hush when mommy is on the phone."   I admit it, I probably started to get cocky.   I was thinking, "Today, today is going to be a great day!"

I am the only one at the office, besides Samantha, and she is going down for her nap in my dad's office on the floor with her blankets, and her sleeping bag.    (Although she is only ten feet away from me, she sleeps better there than she does in here next to me.)   I walk her over to her makeshift bed, and tuck her in.  I kiss her on the forehead and remind her not to touch anything in "Grampy's" office while she is napping.

A few minutes later, over the endless tapping of my fingers at the computer I THINK I here a sort of crinkling noise, so I stop my typing and walk over to her and peak in.  She is sitting quietly, eyes closed, hands outside of the blankets.  She opens her eyes, smiles at me and settles back in to sleep.  Ok, I must have heard something.

I walk back to the computer and continue typing.   Not even a minute later I KNOW, I hear a crinkling noise coming from the other office.  It is a soft, and very slow crinkling, the kind of crinkling that lets all moms know that their child is up to no good.  I stand up quietly, sneak over to my dad's office (a feat if I do say so myself, as I am wearing heels), I peak around the corner and Samantha is completely under her blanket head and all using her ninja like skills to try and fool me.

At this point she knows I am there, and she is frozen under her blanket not moving a muscle hoping she can trick me into thinking she is asleep.   I lean over, pull the blanket off and she has...

Not 1.

Not 2.

But 3, pieces of chocolate from my dad's desk, (which she did not thankfully get open).

I am half tempted to laugh, but I can't because I have to reprimand her for stealing chocolate, and tuck her back in bed.  But, let's face it sometimes when your kid does something that adorably wrong it's just funny.

Edit:  When we got home from work as I was preparing dinner Samantha asked if she could have a piece of broccoli off of the plate before dinner was ready.  I told her sure, she could help herself.  I finished chopping the veggies and turned around to find that she had taken ALL the veggies and put them in front of her because she "was just really hungry for trees."

Who am I?

Who am I?  What do I do?  Where do I work?  These questions seem so simple, but for me do not afford an easy answer.   I am Maura:  mother, wife, friend, Jesus freak, writer, reader, organizational master mind, workout guru and boo boo healer.     How exactly does this all break down?   Well, I like to think I am creating a brand new mold, a mold for a working stay at home mom.    A mold that brings, "she does it all" to a whole new level.  

Ordinarily there are two types of moms,  working moms, and stay at home moms.   Both types have their own attributes.   I admire both types of mom, after all, when you boil it down at the end of the day we are all doing our best to do one of the hardest jobs in world.  Creating, and raising little people.

When people ask me what I do, I usually first answer that I am stay at home mom. But I always feel the need to clarify this.   My first, and foremost job is mom,  I do all the things that a stay at home mom does, but I do it while working 35 hours a week WITH my kids.  I do work, but I always have the kids with me, allowing me to do both jobs at the same time.    Hence, the new mold. 

I am working on a name for this mold.  Just like barbie who has different molds, stay at home barbie, real estate barbie, I love Ken barbie, Rockstar barbie.    Depending on the day, I can be any of these things:  made it through the day mom, super mom, anxiety attack mom, still has the energy to do one more thing mom, or just mom.

I admit that there are days where I am not sure that I will make it through the day.  I have to find the time to answer all my work emails, make lunches, volunteer at school, have a playdate, make phone calls, and teach Samantha to write her name all within a 2 hour period while keeping a smile on my face despite the fact that I have not eaten anything in hours, I have cookie crumbs in my hair, and my desk is a mess...  Bedtime is usually very joyful on those days.  

I wouldn't trade my life though.  I get the benefit of providing for my family in all ways.  I earn money to help pay for all the things we need, and I get to have my kids with me.  I am not missing all the important things, first words, first steps, first day of school.   I do have the responsibility of doing it all, but then I also get the joy of experiencing it all.

I think the my official title should be:  has it all mom.

On giving up fake sugar

Who knew the journey to give up diet pop, or soda would be such a bumpy road?    I am not a pop-aholic so to speak, but I do like diet pop.   When I was a child, we did not have pop in the house, we didn't drink it.   I remember having 7up at my grandparents house on Christmas and special occasions, but it was not something we drank often.  This is somewhat ironic since my parents were polar opposites when it came to food.  My mom was a health food junkie.  She had us eating wheat germ, and granola, and fruit and veggies.  I remember eating apples with cinnamon for dessert, or one of our family favorites bananas in milk with a little sugar.  My dad on the other hand liked to surprise us on occasion with hard salami, ice cream, and liver sausage.   They were the perfect combination of healthy most of the time, with an indulgence here or there.

I first started drinking pop in high school, and naturally, as a calorie watching female, when I started to buy pop from the vending machine at school, I bought diet.   I only had it once a week, and it was more for the taste than anything else.  I didn't need the caffeine, I was an eager, fresh faced, energetic 16-year-old.  We COULD dip into the crazy fact that I was so eager, I got up to take a zero hour class that started at 7am, but I think that is a blog for another time.

Then I hit college, and eventually had my first baby, my gorgeous little Phebe.    I managed to survive the first year of Phebe's life without having much in the way of caffeine.  I had the occasional cup of tea, and a diet coke when I was at a restaurant because who can resist fountain soda??   But Phebe was easy, she slept, she ate, she smiled.  I do remember a few sleepless mornings where I DID make a pot of coffee.  I drank it and added milk to offset the bitter taste.  Phebe and I- we were two peas in our little pod, chugging along mindlessly.

I did start buying diet pop eventually for the house, for Bill I would say, and I slowly started to drink it.  Pretty soon I had a glass a day, and occasionally two.   I enjoyed it with dinner, or on a hot afternoon.  It was, therefore,  easy to cut cold turkey when I found out sweet little Sammie was on her way.  

It was not until Samantha was born, that I really realized how actually tired I could be.  I used to tell Samantha, "it's a good thing you are pretty" because she came out scream first.  It took every ounce of energy I had in me to survive Phebe's first year of preschool, with a 2 hour commute and a baby that had colic all day long.  A baby who only used me as her pacifier, and I was not allowed the caffeine in coffee, and had to watch how much pop I drank.  Once I stopped nursing,  it did not take long for my one glass a day habit to turn into 2-3 glasses. (honestly, it was sometimes more)

We did all survive though, and Samantha is now a well-adjusted 3-year-old who sleeps 12 hours a night and takes naps.  Evidently, she has sleep to catch up on from those first 7 months.    At some point, we switched over to cans, and I started drinking 1-2 cans a day.     I don't really remember why we switched, except that Tania introduced me to the joy of diet coke with lime from a can.

Is all that fake sugar good for you though? No, not at all.  And be honest with yourselves if you drink regular pop neither is the high fructose corn syrup, and all those calories.    So, I knew it was time to quit and be done while I was ahead, before the aspertame completely kills me.

The last few months I have been weaning myself off of diet pop.  I still indulge once, sometimes twice a week, but for the most part I don't need it.   I was surprised to find that most days I am not tired,but find myself craving the fake sugar.  I was literally addicted to the aspertame.    Not anymore, I am done.    Sure, when I do need caffeine that means back to tea, or coffee (which I do now like) but at least I am done with the fake sugar.

Does it taste bad? It's not you, It's me.....

I like to cook, and bake much to the chagrin of my husband who hates new things, and my children who tend to make a face at everything I make even if they DO actually like it.  He does appreciate that I cook and, to be fair to him, he does always taste what I put on the table even when it is "froofy girl food" i.e food that contains more than 4 ingredients.

The latest recipe that I tried was a delicious vegetarian enchilada that was both healthy, and delicious.  Rice, beans, corn, fresh tomatos...Mmmmm, I can still taste it now.  But new recipes is not really what I wanted to talk about today.   I am an emotional person, more am emotional cooker.  I tend to feel things very strongly, and while I do not always express everything that is going through my head and my heart, often you can tell what I am feeling by what is placed in front of you when I cook.

Have I served you macaroni and cheese with nothing else for dinner, and you being NOT a child?  I am overwhelmed, and the thought of making a dinner pushes me directly over the edge plummeting to my emotional death.   Here is a suggestion for this meal, put your own dishes away when you are done.  No, not in the sink, in the dishwasher.   Technically speaking, I would love that to happen EVERY meal, but realistically I am lucky if that happens once a week.

Sometimes I go full out and serve up a delicious dinner with chicken, and rice, and asparagus all perfectly cooked and perfectly placed on the plate, steam swirling up towards the ceiling.  The table looks great, and I start to feel excited about the prospects of a traditional family dinner.  We can all talk to each other and enjoy each others company.  Usually though these thoughts end abruptly when my family comes into the room and complains about everything that I have so painstakingly prepared for them.   At least one person will refuse to eat at all without a fight, and no one wants to talk to me.

I think the best example that something is horribly wrong is when I start one of the most delicious meals you have ever tasted, or one of our regular, but still delicious meals and by the end of it I am so frustrated that I am burning everything or I just threw in way too much garlic.  Watch out then.  You are all in trouble.

Setbacks

It is hard when you hit your first setback, or your second.  It is even hard when you hit your third setback.   I cannot pretend to comprehend what setback I am on at this point.  I thought I couldn't write 50,000 words, I knew for sure I couldn't do it in a month.  I thought I would never come up with an idea for a second, or a third novel.  I thought I would not be able to edit, or add enough to make a novel that was actually readable.  Guess what?  I am doing it one step at a time.

My current setback:  Lack of motivation.  I admit it, I had an off week.  I wanted to clean my house,and spend time with my kids.  There was no draw to the computer calling me to the characters that I alone have created.  I didn't have ideas running through my head of new scenes to add, or insightful ideas.  I felt tired, drained, and literally exhausted.

The good news is I have vowed to once again get back on the editing wagon, and get this done so I can be ready to start my second novel in November!

Hide your veggies

I admit it, I read a lot.  Books, magazines, cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, websites you name it.  I am a sucker for the written word.  Often, I am struck by something that is insightful, or brilliant and it inspires me to add an idea to my endless list of things I want to write about.  Today, however, I am struck not by brilliance, but by ridiculous ideas that don't work.

I am lazily flipping through one of my parenting magazines and I come across yet another article announcing I CAN get my children to eat more veggies if I turn them into smiley faces, hearts, or dinosaurs.  Somehow if I put my daughters peas in the shape of a smiley face she will miraculously forget that she hates peas, and eat them.  Why, because they are smiling at her of course!   I think my favorite example of this ridiculousness is a salad with red pepper in the shape of a heart.  It is still a salad, and unless my child is really, really flexible she still won't eat it...sorry.

I don't want to be misunderstood, my kids eat veggies.  I serve fruit and vegetables at (almost) every meal.  They even like a lot of different kinds, but even I struggle to get them to eat enough of them, who doesn't??   

I offer this as an alternative idea, just keep offering your kids veggies as they are.  Don't oil, cheese and butter them up until they are not worth it anymore.  If you want to use fun shapes, great!  But be honest with them they ARE vegetables, and the have to eat them.  More importantly, teach by example.  Are you getting your 10 servings of veggies a day? 

I'm just saying.....

On the coat tails of Nanowrimo

Last year, I took on what I thought to be the daunting task of participating in Nanowrimo.  Basically, you write 50,000 words in the month of November.  It serves as a push to get your novel started, and you are surrounded by the support of other Nanowrimoers when you need help. 

As November approached I was nervous to say the least, I didn't know where to start, or the story I was going to tell.  I wasn't even sure that I had the capabilities to write a novel. So Basically, I threw caution to the wind and started typing.   A mere 10 days later I was 50,000 words in and baffled that the story was actually interesting.  I owe this, for the most part, to Tania who challenged me to write offs, and always encouraged me to "type on" when I was feeling discouraged.  Only ten days later I had made it through.  10 days!  I thought to myself, "the hard part is over, time for adding and editing."  I could not have been more wrong.

I find it is best to take a break from your work before editing.  Let the words rest and take a moment to seperate yourself from the story before you take on the huge task of ripping apart every single sentence that you painstakingly created.   Before long you are surrounded by too many "ly abverbs" and sentence fragments that you need to keep but don't know exactly how to fix them.  Fixing those errors does not even include adding in transition areas, and core parts of the story you need to make your novel polished not to mention readable. I myself, am now knee deep in the crap they call editing, and I have a LONG way to go, but I have to admit I am secretly loving every minute of it.   

My official goal is to be at least halfway done editing my first novel before starting Nano again this year to start my second.   I guess I better get going!

Not another title

Did anyone realize that it would take an hour to start this blog?  No, I know what you are thinking I am not technologically challenged.  It takes longer than expected to come up with an appropriate blog name.  Does anyone know exactly what they are going to blog about for the next week, month, or year?  If you do I am impressed, but my ever changing thoughts end up in my blog.  I cannot possibly stick to one topic.  One day I am rambling about the impossibilities of adding a section to my book, and the next I am ranting about the drive to work.  It is all these little thoughts that make up the best of my blogs.  And so I begin....