A day in the life

It is funny how much I thought I was ready for Nano (National novel writing month www.nanowrimo.org) this year.  I think this is the first year since I started, seven years ago, that I actually thought to myself "hey I got this."   I know what I want to write about.  I have my characters names.  I have a notebook full of scene ideas, and little details I want to include.  I know, having done it before, that I can in fact write 50,000 words in one month.  I have never been this prepared to start a novel before.   Never.   Everything was great until I sat down at the computer, fingers poised, ready to write.   And....crickets.  Where are all the words?  Where are all the complete thoughts and the hilarious scenes bursting to get out of my brain and on to the page?   Again, crickets.

Perhaps it is the constant distraction of voices.  Thank you dear daughters for always interrupting when I am just about to hit a pivotal plot point because you have an imaginary cut on your finger.  There is nothing more important to me than that imaginary cut, but since it is not real can it wait?  Once we deal with said cut and your irrational fear of bandaids you need water, or you need me to feed you.  Yes, I haven't forgotten!  There is a stale cheerio on the floor upstairs. Help yourself!  (Kidding, I feed my kids!)

Perhaps it is the glow of social media. Thank you facebook, pinterest, twitter and instagram for always allowing me to be distracted from what I actually want to be doing.  I am incredibly thankful that I can always rely on you to be a total time suck wherein I will wake from a social media slumber to realize I have gotten nothing done, and I have nothing to show for my time.

Perhaps it is my actual life that gets in the way.  Working 3 jobs and running laundry, helping with homework, and running everyone to all their after school activities.  You know what I am talking about.  The daily grind, man.  Don't you hate it when your real life gets in the way and you cannot just read and write all day?  

The bottom line is, I met my word count goal for the last two days. Yay! I fed my kids (the dog ate the cheerio), and now I have the next four hours until they go to bed to engage and play and be present with them.  It is important to me that my girls see that I do things for myself.   I want them to know that dreams are important.  I want them to know that you can have passions and balance your life.  I want them to see me writing.  I want them to know that even if I never get published or recognized that it doesn't matter.  I am a writer at heart, and I write for me.

Go ahead I am not looking

I am at the table, and the forks are going.....slowly.  I am officially "that mom" I have pulled out the laptop at the dinner table while my child is still eating.  *Sigh*

Not that I have to defend myself, but I have been sitting here for 45 minute while my 3-year-old tries to eat approximately 4 tablespoons of shepherds pie that I made from scratch.  She is licking her fork, climbing on her chair, and humming a song from My Little Pony.  Basically, she is doing everything except eating.  She is not talking anymore other than the "can I be done yet?" that comes from her corner of the table every few seconds.  Don't worry child I am happy to remind you again that you have to eat a few bites before you get down from the table.

Why the laptop you ask?  It is not out of sheer boredom, or out of annoyance. Both of which I have been at dinner sometimes.  It is hard not to be annoyed sometimes when you put you love, sweat and tears into dinner to be met with so much disappointment.

 I am happy to say it is not everyday!  Most of the time at dinner I get to sit at the table and talk to my girls.  We talk about the best and worst parts of our day.  We laugh, We tell jokes.  Alas, not tonight folks.  Tonight, the dining room table was filled with dirty looks, and tears that threatened to spill out because I dared to put food on the table that did not resemble macaroni and cheese, or hotdogs!  The horror!

 I pulled out the laptop because my youngest will only eat bites when she thinks I am not looking.  If I so much as glance in her direction she makes a face.  Parents, you know the face.  The face that says "I think you might be secretly trying to kill me with dinner."  Yes daughter, the delicious homemade food I made for our family might in fact jump right out of that bowl and bite you.

I am sure you have been there, and I know we all have but here is the thing...  I am still going to be here darling.  I still going to make dinner no matter how many faces you make.  I am still going to ask that you at least try new things, because most of the time you like them.   I know, call the food police, I want you to experience things!

But just for tonight....I won't look at you.  Go ahead, pretend you hate dinner, and eat it when I am not looking.

EDIT:  She ended up eating the entire bowl as long as I wasn't looking.  :)

A Letter to my Daughters: 5 Things to Value over Beauty

Daughters,

You are amazing and gorgeous.  You already are.  It doesn't matter what you do, or what you become.  It doesn't matter if you are a size 2, or  size 16.  It doesn't matter how tall you are, or how short you are.  The color of your hair doesn't matter and neither does whether or not you choose to wear makeup.   None of that really matters.  Of course, I realize that this letter is falling on half deaf ears because society is going to tell you otherwise.

Society is going to hammer it into your beautiful impressionable brains that somehow beauty = worthiness.  (Hint: it doesn't.)

You are going to hear a lot of garbage about what you should look like.  From commercials, and ads to peer pressure, and even well meaning friends.  Everyone will tell you what to look like, how to act and how to dress.

 I am here to remind you of one thing.  What you look like is NOTHING compared to who you actually are.   Nothing.  

So, while you are being bombarded with society's view on what is important here is a little reminder.  Five things that, I believe, matter so much more than beauty does.

1.  Compassion

I hope that you are each compassionate.  I hope that you have the ability to love other people.  To put yourselves in their shoes,  and relate to them.   I hope that you not only have the ability to put others needs in front of your own, but also I hope that you can have compassion for yourself.

2. Generosity

I hope that no matter what God gives to you, you will remember that living open-handed is so important.  Share when you can.  Give often of your time, and of your talents, and of whatever else you might have.

3. Acceptance

I hope that you live from a place of acceptance.  Acceptance of who you are inside and out.  Acceptance of your skills, and your shortcomings.    Acceptance of other people, and their strengths even when they are greater than your own.  

4.  Passionate

I hope that you are passionate about something.  I don't care if it is reading, writing, books, dancing, drama, sports, or anything else!  I just hope that whatever you love, you do it!  And I hope you live what you love passionately.

5. Faithful

I hope you have an abundance of faith.  Faith in the grace that we have been given. I hope that you can live your lives out of that faith.  Because my darling daughters, you were created in His image.  You are forgiven, and you are saved.  And when you start to understand the incredible gift that is, and how much you are already loved you can then live out of that grace filled love.  

Love,
Mom

The Words are There

I am a writer at heart.  Being a writer doesn't mean I have perfect grammar. (I don't!) It doesn't mean I write better than anyone else, or that I am more capable of writing than you are.  It just means that I love to write.  My head is always full of thoughts, and ideas.  Sparks that jump around and latch on to each other creating scenes, and descriptions.  Oftentimes I am dreaming up a scene for whatever novel I happen to be writing as I fall asleep at night.  Definitely a dangerous habit if I don't write down what I am thinking because I almost always forget by the time I wake up in the morning!

Being a writer to me means that I love to write.  It means writing is a part of who I am.  A part of what I do.   When I have not written a blog I am working on a novel, and  I am working in my prayer journal, and I am writing for work.   It isn't that I haven't been writing.  In the land of blogdom, however I have posted....nothing.  (Insert cricket sound here.  Perhaps some sad sounding violins!)

 Lately, I have felt such pressure to write only when it means something.  I should write only when I have something useful or impressive to say.   When something incredible happens I want to blog about it.  When God prompts me to put something out there I want to blog it.  Sadly, those are not things that happen everyday.  But here is the thing about being a writer, the words come out even when they don't mean anything to anyone else.

Days like today I have to write something, even if that means making an excuse to write.  Even if that means no one else will ever read it.   Even if I don't have anything spectacular to say because the words are there, and I need to create something with them.

I don't know what you love to do, but here is my encouragement for you today.  Go do it.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  It doesn't even have to be good.  Just do it because you love to do it.

Rough Mornings

It is one of those mornings where the seams are all unraveled.  Where my breakfast gets choked down because it feels like sandpaper, and my coffee doesn't taste right.   I feel wound tightly, and it takes all of my energy not to snap at my daughters when they make innocent mistakes, or worse when I spill a glass of milk and they are not cleaning it up as fast as I want it to be.   I am tired.  I am anxious.  I am weary.    I don't really have an answer for mornings like these.  I cannot tackle them on my own.   I don't have the strength.  I don't have all the answers.  

I do have one thing though.  I fall on my knees as I do every morning.  But mornings like today, the harder mornings my prayer is all walking by faith.   The pieces slowly come back together as I remember once again that God will sustain me.  He will be my strength.  He will take my worries and my anxieties and make them his own.  He will direct my path.  I  just need to have faith.  I just need to once again place it all in his lap.   I don't need to know what the next step is, or what all the answers are.  I just need to need to listen.   I need to listen to the voice of God calling me back to his side.  Reminding me that I am his beloved, and all I need is to walk by faith.

"I will still be the same when you are old and gray, and I will take care of you.  I created you.  I will carry you and always keep you safe."  Isaiah 46:4

5 ways my daughters make me a better woman

I love being a mom.  I have known since I was really little that I would be called to be a mother.   I could never have imagined, however how much my daughters would teach me!  So, in honor of my daughters today here are 5 ways that they have made me a better woman:


1.  They remind me to dance.  

My daughters are full of love, laughter and joy.  They have made my life so joyful.   They encourage me on a daily basis to try things I am scared of, to dance, and to sing.  They want me to live my life to the fullest that I can live it.   You want to know the best part about this one?  They are my biggest fans.  They want to live this joyful life with me cheering me on just as I have cheered them on throughout the years!

2.  They show me how I am reflecting God in their lives.

This is a huge one for me.  Little kids do not understand how God loves.  They don't understand the unfailing vastness of His love.  Their only reflection of this great love is how they are being loved by their parents, aka me.  That is a huge responsibility, and a challenging one.  I definitely have moments where I have not done the best job.  I have moments where I fail terribly at this.  I also have moments of victory where a breakthrough happens and I can see their spiritual journey unfold a little more.  Whether I am failing, or succeeding they challenge me to keep going, and keep striving each and every day.

3.  They give me more opportunities to pray.

I have always believed in a big God.  Faith is one of my biggest spiritual gifts, but I am never more challenged than when I am handing my daughters over.  They give me daily challenges, and daily opportunities to pray with them and pray for them.   There have been a lot of moments where my faith has been tested, and I am brought to my knees again praying for my darling daughters!


4.  They remind me on a daily basis to put people over task. 

 My daughters pick every single weed from the backyard every summer.  They bring the flowers to me in their dirty, sweaty fingers and  I cannot help but smile.  I take them and place them in the vase I always keep on my windowsill and replace the flowers they brought me the day before.  I love the look on their faces as they present the flowers to me as if they had walked outside and found gold.

 But in the hustle and bustle of life it is easy to overlook all the small stuff.  It is easy to brush off a few dandelions, or a drawing or another performance of "Let it Go" because as moms we always have a LOT to do.  I am not perfect at this, and there have been a lot of moments where I don't stop what I am doing. But, I firmly believe that the small stuff is the stuff of life.  The small moments are the moments that really matter.  And when we choose to look over the small moments we look over the people that matter to us.      My daughters will not always bring flowers in from the yard, and my vase will one day sit empty.  I don't want to miss it!

5.  They taught me how big love can be.

 

I had no idea how much I could love someone else until I had kids.  They gave me a whole new capacity for loving someone else.  They gave me a whole new perspective on how God loves me.  I would even say that they taught me what love really is.  I am forever thankful for that.

Thanks girls, you are each an incredible gift from God, and being your mom is the greatest gift!

5 Things We Can All Learn from the Greatest Generation

I don’t think it is any secret among my friends that I love old people.  It sounds terribly silly to say it that way.  But I really and truly do.   In all sincerity, I do find that there are some really great lessons we can all learn from the Greatest Generation.    In an age where everything is fast paced, fleeting, and shallow what would happen if we all took a step back and looked at what our grandparents did?  I am not against progress.  I think there have been some amazing changes in the last 80 years or so.   But there are a few things I believe are still relevant today even if they are not prevalent today. 

 Here are the 5 things I think will strengthen us and our children for future generations:

1.        Waste not, want not. 

The Greatest generation lived through the Great Depression and WWII.  They saved every last penny, every last bite of food.  Nothing was wasted.  Nothing went unused.  Today we live in a disposable society.  The flashier, the brighter, the newer – the better.   We have so much stuff that we can’t organize it all! There are warehouses full of stuff that people cannot even fit into their homes.   There are people living in immense amount of debt because our consumer driven society keeps telling us we need more.   We live in the illusion that more will make us happy.  But the truth is more won’t make you happy.  What if we took the time to ask ourselves questions like:  Can I afford this?  Do I really need this?  Can I wait to buy this?

2.       Put Others First

My grandparents are prime examples of putting others first.  For example, whenever they had guests come to stay with them my grandmother would automatically make the master bedroom up for her guests.  She and my grandfather would then take the smaller bedroom and use the bathroom in the hall.  It wasn’t just guests either.  They lived putting others first.   .  My favorite part of this is that my grandparents served others without acting like it was a pain.  They served others out of love!  What a difference it would make if we all could serve others out of love every single day.  Let’s look for opportunities to serve.   I am on board!

3.        Humbleness

One of the greatest examples I can find of true humbleness comes from my Papa.  My Papa worked extremely hard to make a living for his family.   He fought in the air force in WWII.    He took in my Aunt and her two daughters after their father died and worked even harder to support all of them together.    He always helped anyone he came in contact with that was in need.   But in all the years I got to know him.  I never heard him brag.  He was always full of dignity and modesty.   I think we could all benefit from humbling our hearts a bit. 

4.        Faithfulness in Love

There is a reason why the Greatest Generation celebrates big numbers in marriage.    They spend more time serving and loving each other than looking at how green the grass is in the neighbors back yard.  Or better yet they spend more time with each other than with their phones/ipads, etc.   Loyalty and commitment are valued in the generations before us!   In the many conversations that I have had with my Nanny about marriage she insists that the road was full of bumps, the moments not always happy, and that in the end she would not change a second of it.    The good far out weighed the bad.  It was worth the effort.  It was worth the rough moments.   (Side note:  I am not applying number four to anyone in an abusive situation.)

5.        Enjoy  Life!

Don’t waste time looking back!   Everyone has regrets.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Don’t let the moments that have passed ruin the moments of the future!   Enjoy the moment you are in.  One thing I can say of the Greatest Generation.  They are in the moment.  They are not on their phone recording everyone singing Happy Birthday!  They are singing, smiling and in the moment.    Put down the phone, let some work go.  Enjoy life!  It is too short not too!

What are your thoughts?   What are some lessons you have learned from the Greatest Generation?