I have been sitting here trying to tackle a second blog for awhile now. My first blog is just thoughts that run through my head, and ideas, and family. This blog is more about my faith, my relationship with God, the steps I am taking, how Christ is speaking to me etc. I am not sure why this seems daunting. It is only a blog. But it does feel daunting, and I think it is because this subject reaches to the depths of who I am, and reveals what weaknesses I have. I have a lot of weaknesses. What things Christ is fixing in me, and sharing those thoughts is not always easy.
It is the beginning of a new year, and I am asking myself the question what is holding me back? What am I fearing to ask of God. Jacob, in Genesis 32, was fearful to meet up with his brother Esau. As he waited he wrestled with God and he wouldn't let go until God had blessed him. First, I was struck by the fact that Jacob is so stubborn. He is fighting with all his might, holding God at arms length, wrestling all night. Eventually, he gets to the point where he is just holding on. I don't think this is necessarily a bad place to be, just holding on to God. But God asks. "What is your name?" and Jacob is forced to answer. He is forced to admit who he is, and what he has done. It isn't until he answers that God can change him. Change his name.
So, my question this year heading into a fresh start is what am I holding back from God? What is it that I don't want to change, or hand over? What am I holding back from really handing everything over to him? I need to trust, to let it go, and to ask fervently in prayer what I need. Only then can God really work within me.
The wrestling match between Jacob and God was important. It was necessary for Jacob to see 'who he is' through God. We all go through similar bouts with God (some on a daily basis). Surely there is much to be said about this particular passage. I like it because it shows that God will come to us and is even willing to fight with us so that we can continually learn and grow.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is a good exercise and your efforts here will help others; whether they read the blog is irrelevant. The fact that you are calling these things to mind and then writing them down will no doubt help you grow, which can only be good for those that you touch in your life.
Certainly God is already working within you.