Trust

Claire is sick right now and she is a sweet little cuddle bunny who is leaning on me, and cuddling with me all day.   She does get down in spurts, but she keeps looking over and reaching out to touch me and make sure that I am still there.   I love how sweet and trusting little babies are.  I am everything she needs right now.  There is nothing sweeter to a baby when she is sick than just sitting with her mom.   Claire is even still at the age where I am pretty perfect.   She doesn't know yet all the little flaws I have, and that no matter how hard I try I will never be the perfect parent.  I wasn't built to be perfect, but to be human.

I know that I will mess up, and I know that I will not always set the best example, but for now I am reveling in the fact that I am her place of rest.   I am eternally grateful that when I fail at what I do I know that she will always have a place of rest in God.    I love that I have, and she has, and everyone has the perfect parent.   A place of trust, and rest, that is unerring and unchanging that we can always turn to.

Wouldn't it be nice if as adults we could trust in God the way that a baby trusts in it's mother?  If we could depend on Him the way that Claire was depending on me this week? But it is so hard as adults to give trust.  We have so much baggage.  We think we can do everything on our own, and even when we trust that God can handle it we have days where we take everything back into our own hands.  There are always a few areas that we are not willing to let go.

Even the most devote, and the most engaged, and the most faithful hold things back sometimes.

God urges us to place everything in his hands, to trust.  Afterall, He knows what is best for us and He knows what our future holds.  So, what are you holding back?  What is it that you are still holding in your back pocket?  It is time to let it out and trust that it is safe to trust God with it.  Rest with God, your father, and trust that He has a plan for you.

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Resolution Round up

We are officially over a week into the new year. How are all the New Year's resolutions coming? Has anyone faltered yet? I did. I messed up my days and I got a day behind already on my new devotional book. I did catch up again once I realized my mistake, but I don't really care that I messed up. You heard that right. I don't care if I mess up. Everyone is going to fail. Not one person is going to go through the entire year, and keep their resolution exactly the way they planned it out. Am I right? Are you all human too??

Unless, you made a resolution not to make a resolution you probably have a goal this year. Maybe you want to workout more, maybe you are going to eat healthier, maybe you are going to reorganize your life, or reset your priorities. But January 2nd came, and despite the fact that you swore you wouldn't eat any desserts in 2013 you found yourself reaching for the leftover Christmas cookies. You couldn't resist the chocolate-gooey goodness of the cookies that your mom made. I honestly hope that no one has opted not to eat any desserts in 2013 because that thought makes me sad, but you get the picture. It is really easy to give in, to slide back into your old ways, and give up.

So, you messed up. You have already failed a day of your New Year's Resolution, and we are only a few days into the new year.

I am going to challenge you to give yourself a little grace. This year, define yourself not in how well you kept that New Year's Resolution the first time, but in how many times you picked yourself back up and kept going. We all fail. We all make mistakes, and we are not always perfect. In my case, I am far from it. What makes you stand apart from the people who give up because they fail? Getting back up and trying again.

What are you going to overcome this year? How many times are you going to keep trying? You can do it!!

It has to start somewhere

I have been sitting here trying to tackle a second blog for awhile now.  My first blog is just thoughts that run through my head, and ideas, and family.  This blog is more about my faith, my relationship with God, the steps I am taking, how Christ is speaking to me etc.   I am not sure why this seems daunting.  It is only a blog.  But it does feel daunting, and I think it is because this subject reaches to the depths of who I am, and reveals what weaknesses I have.  I have a lot of weaknesses.  What things Christ is fixing in me,  and sharing those thoughts is not always easy.

It is the beginning of a new year, and I am asking myself the question what is holding me back?  What am I fearing to ask of God.  Jacob, in Genesis 32, was fearful to meet up with his brother Esau.   As he waited he wrestled with God and he wouldn't let go until God had blessed him.  First, I was struck by the fact that Jacob is so stubborn.  He is fighting with all his might, holding God at arms length, wrestling all night.  Eventually, he gets to the point where he is just holding on.  I don't think this is necessarily a bad place to be, just holding on to God.  But God asks.  "What is your name?"  and Jacob is forced to answer.  He is forced to admit who he is, and what he has done.   It isn't until he answers that God can change him.  Change his name.

So, my question this year heading into a fresh start is what am I holding back from God?  What is it that I don't want to change, or hand over?   What am I holding back from really handing everything over to him?  I need to trust, to let it go, and to ask fervently in prayer what I need.   Only then can God really work within me.

A New Year's Blog

I love this time of year.  I love snow, and I love the cold.  I love that people get more cuddly, and that my kids want to stay in their pajamas every day.    I love how cold my kids cheeks get when they come in from outside, and I love making them hot chocolate.  Most of all this year, I love that my husband is working from home for the winter.  The extra time he has not driving to work has opened up a lot of opportunities for longer family dinners, breakfast together, and even yes a few quiet moments together on his lunch break when the kids are at school and Claire is napping.

Despite being warm and cozy in the house I have been going over my resolutions from the past few years and I decided I needed to make a new list.  First, I didn't even make one last year.  I know, I know, I shouldn't use being nine months pregnant with my third kid as an excuse.   But, that being said I was pretty much doing whatever I could last year to go into labor.  I didn't really have much time to think about what I was going to do with the rest of 2012.    I do have to say that I had the goal to "have a baby" on my New Year's list for several years and I actually did it!  That makes me smile.

My list of goals from 2011, I didn't accomplish everything, but I am getting on with most of them, and I am happy to announce that I have started off this year with a roaring success.  Yes, that is right.  I have made it two days.  :)

Here is my list of goals for the year:

1. Make it through my new devotional book, the whole year and on time.  This doesn't sound very hard, but I sometimes lose motivation, or interest and switch books halfway through the year.
2. Read at least 15 new books.
3.  Figure out how to use my new sewing machine.
4.  Finish one scrapbook.
5.  Be able to do 50 push-ups on my toes.  I can currently do 50 but not all in a row.  I can only do about 20-30 in a row on any given day and then I have to break before I continue.
6.  Enjoy the small moments with my kids everyday.
7.  Live with intention.
8.  Embrace my blogging.  Both this one, and the one that I secretly want to start in the back of my head.  The second one being reflections of my devotions, and journey with Christ.

:)  Happy New Year!

Brag blog

This is completely a brag blog.  My oldest daughter wrote a poem in school. She had to read it out loud to my husband and I at conferences, and I cried.  Yes, I am the mom that cries.  I love it so much I had to share it with everyone.

I Am

I am a bubbly, helpful girl who loves animals.

I hear birds chirping in the distance.

I see humming birds buzzing their wings with delight.

I want to make a difference in the universe.

I am a bubbly, helpful girl who loves animals.

I imagine that there could be a change in my life.

I feel a lot of my emotions mixed in a way only I know.

I touch the softest fur on my dog which calms me deeply.

I worry about my brother.

I cry when I haven’t seen someone in a long time.

I am a bubbly, helpful girl who loves animals.

I understand life is difficult.

I say, believe in what’s right.

I dream for a better world.

I try to make a difference in life.

I hope to make a difference in people’s lives.

I am a bubbly, helpful girl who loves animals.

Sitting waiting for some inspiration

I have been sitting on this blog for the last two weeks, and I keep getting interrupted.  I think it is about time that I bite the bullet, post this sucker, and move on to a bigger and better blog post.

It is so easy to get lost in the chaos of day to day life.   Assuming you are like me, at least somewhat, you are  being pulled in a bunch of different directions.  You are surrounded by what I like to call "life noise."   The kids need food, and attention, the laundry needs to be done, you need to send that email for work, the dog is asking to go outside, and your spouse needs you to find their cell phone charger.   We have all been there before, we are trying to do so many things at the same time we cannot do anything.

Most of the time I focus on making a list first of all the things that I need to get done, and that seems to help calm the noise down, because I can tackle these tasks one at a time.  But the main thing I found was that I need to focus.  Focus not on what I am doing, but in doing whatever I do with love.

Am I doing this in love?  Seems kind of silly right?  Am I letting the dog outside in love?  Am I unloading the dishwasher in love?  I guess my answer would be no.  I am not always doing things because I am happy to do them, or because I love to do them, or even showing my kids that no matter what the task is you can do it in love.

Situations get messy.  We argue with each other, we don't always see eye to eye, and if you ask my oldest daughter.  I am probably not doing anything right.  Not even one tiny thing. But as she grows up I want her to see me as the kind of woman who loved her day to day tasks.  I make lunches everyday not because I have to, but because I love her and I want her to eat healthy.   I want her to know that being a mom is hard, and gritty but is also basically the greatest gift I have ever been given.

That is my thought for today:  Do whatever you are doing in love.  That is all.

The Fruit....it's out of reach

I love the title of this blog.  The fruit that is out of reach.  I like that it sparks some sort of creativity in me, and that anyone who reads this might be thinking I have something interesting to say.  There must be something that is unattainable.  Something I am missing, but I can taste it.  I can feel it's mark.

In this case, it really is a bowl of fruit that is on the other side of the room, and I am too tired, and too ingrained in my own thought process to get up and get it.  The fruit really is out of reach.   What sort of thoughts, might one ask, could possibly be keeping me away from the delicious fruit?  Thoughts about Nano.

Most of you, who have read my blog know of National Novel Writing month.  Every year in November, I wrap myself in an over-sized sweater, throw on some pajama pants and start writing.  It doesn't matter that the housework takes a hit, and that one time I forgot to buy bread because for 30 days I get to be creative and write a novel.  This will be my fourth year participating in Nano, and to be honest this is the first year that I think I might not get it accomplished.  

I need ideas, I need inspiration, I need a muse.   I need a saying, a quote, a spark.  I need something....  what do you do when you need something you google it.

Does my main character find:  a love note, a new story, a new life, herself, a dog, a love of something she never thought she could do, drugs, peace, a party invitation, a lost locket, a locked closet....

What does my main character want?  Why can't she have it?  Why does she want it?  Those are all the things that will propel my story forward and they are all jumbled inside my head right now with no real direction.  Am I writing for adults, young adults or children this year?    Let's hope if I am writing for kids my main character does NOT find drugs.

One more month....one more month and I better have organized some of these ideas!