A Letter to my Daughters: 5 Things to Value over Beauty

Daughters,

You are amazing and gorgeous.  You already are.  It doesn't matter what you do, or what you become.  It doesn't matter if you are a size 2, or  size 16.  It doesn't matter how tall you are, or how short you are.  The color of your hair doesn't matter and neither does whether or not you choose to wear makeup.   None of that really matters.  Of course, I realize that this letter is falling on half deaf ears because society is going to tell you otherwise.

Society is going to hammer it into your beautiful impressionable brains that somehow beauty = worthiness.  (Hint: it doesn't.)

You are going to hear a lot of garbage about what you should look like.  From commercials, and ads to peer pressure, and even well meaning friends.  Everyone will tell you what to look like, how to act and how to dress.

 I am here to remind you of one thing.  What you look like is NOTHING compared to who you actually are.   Nothing.  

So, while you are being bombarded with society's view on what is important here is a little reminder.  Five things that, I believe, matter so much more than beauty does.

1.  Compassion

I hope that you are each compassionate.  I hope that you have the ability to love other people.  To put yourselves in their shoes,  and relate to them.   I hope that you not only have the ability to put others needs in front of your own, but also I hope that you can have compassion for yourself.

2. Generosity

I hope that no matter what God gives to you, you will remember that living open-handed is so important.  Share when you can.  Give often of your time, and of your talents, and of whatever else you might have.

3. Acceptance

I hope that you live from a place of acceptance.  Acceptance of who you are inside and out.  Acceptance of your skills, and your shortcomings.    Acceptance of other people, and their strengths even when they are greater than your own.  

4.  Passionate

I hope that you are passionate about something.  I don't care if it is reading, writing, books, dancing, drama, sports, or anything else!  I just hope that whatever you love, you do it!  And I hope you live what you love passionately.

5. Faithful

I hope you have an abundance of faith.  Faith in the grace that we have been given. I hope that you can live your lives out of that faith.  Because my darling daughters, you were created in His image.  You are forgiven, and you are saved.  And when you start to understand the incredible gift that is, and how much you are already loved you can then live out of that grace filled love.  

Love,
Mom

The Words are There

I am a writer at heart.  Being a writer doesn't mean I have perfect grammar. (I don't!) It doesn't mean I write better than anyone else, or that I am more capable of writing than you are.  It just means that I love to write.  My head is always full of thoughts, and ideas.  Sparks that jump around and latch on to each other creating scenes, and descriptions.  Oftentimes I am dreaming up a scene for whatever novel I happen to be writing as I fall asleep at night.  Definitely a dangerous habit if I don't write down what I am thinking because I almost always forget by the time I wake up in the morning!

Being a writer to me means that I love to write.  It means writing is a part of who I am.  A part of what I do.   When I have not written a blog I am working on a novel, and  I am working in my prayer journal, and I am writing for work.   It isn't that I haven't been writing.  In the land of blogdom, however I have posted....nothing.  (Insert cricket sound here.  Perhaps some sad sounding violins!)

 Lately, I have felt such pressure to write only when it means something.  I should write only when I have something useful or impressive to say.   When something incredible happens I want to blog about it.  When God prompts me to put something out there I want to blog it.  Sadly, those are not things that happen everyday.  But here is the thing about being a writer, the words come out even when they don't mean anything to anyone else.

Days like today I have to write something, even if that means making an excuse to write.  Even if that means no one else will ever read it.   Even if I don't have anything spectacular to say because the words are there, and I need to create something with them.

I don't know what you love to do, but here is my encouragement for you today.  Go do it.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  It doesn't even have to be good.  Just do it because you love to do it.

Rough Mornings

It is one of those mornings where the seams are all unraveled.  Where my breakfast gets choked down because it feels like sandpaper, and my coffee doesn't taste right.   I feel wound tightly, and it takes all of my energy not to snap at my daughters when they make innocent mistakes, or worse when I spill a glass of milk and they are not cleaning it up as fast as I want it to be.   I am tired.  I am anxious.  I am weary.    I don't really have an answer for mornings like these.  I cannot tackle them on my own.   I don't have the strength.  I don't have all the answers.  

I do have one thing though.  I fall on my knees as I do every morning.  But mornings like today, the harder mornings my prayer is all walking by faith.   The pieces slowly come back together as I remember once again that God will sustain me.  He will be my strength.  He will take my worries and my anxieties and make them his own.  He will direct my path.  I  just need to have faith.  I just need to once again place it all in his lap.   I don't need to know what the next step is, or what all the answers are.  I just need to need to listen.   I need to listen to the voice of God calling me back to his side.  Reminding me that I am his beloved, and all I need is to walk by faith.

"I will still be the same when you are old and gray, and I will take care of you.  I created you.  I will carry you and always keep you safe."  Isaiah 46:4

5 ways my daughters make me a better woman

I love being a mom.  I have known since I was really little that I would be called to be a mother.   I could never have imagined, however how much my daughters would teach me!  So, in honor of my daughters today here are 5 ways that they have made me a better woman:


1.  They remind me to dance.  

My daughters are full of love, laughter and joy.  They have made my life so joyful.   They encourage me on a daily basis to try things I am scared of, to dance, and to sing.  They want me to live my life to the fullest that I can live it.   You want to know the best part about this one?  They are my biggest fans.  They want to live this joyful life with me cheering me on just as I have cheered them on throughout the years!

2.  They show me how I am reflecting God in their lives.

This is a huge one for me.  Little kids do not understand how God loves.  They don't understand the unfailing vastness of His love.  Their only reflection of this great love is how they are being loved by their parents, aka me.  That is a huge responsibility, and a challenging one.  I definitely have moments where I have not done the best job.  I have moments where I fail terribly at this.  I also have moments of victory where a breakthrough happens and I can see their spiritual journey unfold a little more.  Whether I am failing, or succeeding they challenge me to keep going, and keep striving each and every day.

3.  They give me more opportunities to pray.

I have always believed in a big God.  Faith is one of my biggest spiritual gifts, but I am never more challenged than when I am handing my daughters over.  They give me daily challenges, and daily opportunities to pray with them and pray for them.   There have been a lot of moments where my faith has been tested, and I am brought to my knees again praying for my darling daughters!


4.  They remind me on a daily basis to put people over task. 

 My daughters pick every single weed from the backyard every summer.  They bring the flowers to me in their dirty, sweaty fingers and  I cannot help but smile.  I take them and place them in the vase I always keep on my windowsill and replace the flowers they brought me the day before.  I love the look on their faces as they present the flowers to me as if they had walked outside and found gold.

 But in the hustle and bustle of life it is easy to overlook all the small stuff.  It is easy to brush off a few dandelions, or a drawing or another performance of "Let it Go" because as moms we always have a LOT to do.  I am not perfect at this, and there have been a lot of moments where I don't stop what I am doing. But, I firmly believe that the small stuff is the stuff of life.  The small moments are the moments that really matter.  And when we choose to look over the small moments we look over the people that matter to us.      My daughters will not always bring flowers in from the yard, and my vase will one day sit empty.  I don't want to miss it!

5.  They taught me how big love can be.

 

I had no idea how much I could love someone else until I had kids.  They gave me a whole new capacity for loving someone else.  They gave me a whole new perspective on how God loves me.  I would even say that they taught me what love really is.  I am forever thankful for that.

Thanks girls, you are each an incredible gift from God, and being your mom is the greatest gift!

5 Things We Can All Learn from the Greatest Generation

I don’t think it is any secret among my friends that I love old people.  It sounds terribly silly to say it that way.  But I really and truly do.   In all sincerity, I do find that there are some really great lessons we can all learn from the Greatest Generation.    In an age where everything is fast paced, fleeting, and shallow what would happen if we all took a step back and looked at what our grandparents did?  I am not against progress.  I think there have been some amazing changes in the last 80 years or so.   But there are a few things I believe are still relevant today even if they are not prevalent today. 

 Here are the 5 things I think will strengthen us and our children for future generations:

1.        Waste not, want not. 

The Greatest generation lived through the Great Depression and WWII.  They saved every last penny, every last bite of food.  Nothing was wasted.  Nothing went unused.  Today we live in a disposable society.  The flashier, the brighter, the newer – the better.   We have so much stuff that we can’t organize it all! There are warehouses full of stuff that people cannot even fit into their homes.   There are people living in immense amount of debt because our consumer driven society keeps telling us we need more.   We live in the illusion that more will make us happy.  But the truth is more won’t make you happy.  What if we took the time to ask ourselves questions like:  Can I afford this?  Do I really need this?  Can I wait to buy this?

2.       Put Others First

My grandparents are prime examples of putting others first.  For example, whenever they had guests come to stay with them my grandmother would automatically make the master bedroom up for her guests.  She and my grandfather would then take the smaller bedroom and use the bathroom in the hall.  It wasn’t just guests either.  They lived putting others first.   .  My favorite part of this is that my grandparents served others without acting like it was a pain.  They served others out of love!  What a difference it would make if we all could serve others out of love every single day.  Let’s look for opportunities to serve.   I am on board!

3.        Humbleness

One of the greatest examples I can find of true humbleness comes from my Papa.  My Papa worked extremely hard to make a living for his family.   He fought in the air force in WWII.    He took in my Aunt and her two daughters after their father died and worked even harder to support all of them together.    He always helped anyone he came in contact with that was in need.   But in all the years I got to know him.  I never heard him brag.  He was always full of dignity and modesty.   I think we could all benefit from humbling our hearts a bit. 

4.        Faithfulness in Love

There is a reason why the Greatest Generation celebrates big numbers in marriage.    They spend more time serving and loving each other than looking at how green the grass is in the neighbors back yard.  Or better yet they spend more time with each other than with their phones/ipads, etc.   Loyalty and commitment are valued in the generations before us!   In the many conversations that I have had with my Nanny about marriage she insists that the road was full of bumps, the moments not always happy, and that in the end she would not change a second of it.    The good far out weighed the bad.  It was worth the effort.  It was worth the rough moments.   (Side note:  I am not applying number four to anyone in an abusive situation.)

5.        Enjoy  Life!

Don’t waste time looking back!   Everyone has regrets.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Don’t let the moments that have passed ruin the moments of the future!   Enjoy the moment you are in.  One thing I can say of the Greatest Generation.  They are in the moment.  They are not on their phone recording everyone singing Happy Birthday!  They are singing, smiling and in the moment.    Put down the phone, let some work go.  Enjoy life!  It is too short not too!

What are your thoughts?   What are some lessons you have learned from the Greatest Generation?

Sleepless Nights, Time and Intentional Writing

The alarm wakes me in the early hours of the morning and I am still too tired to wake up.  Too tired because I have a daughter  that is refusing to sleep.  Tired, because the hours I am working and the demands of motherhood sometimes leave me feeling ragged, and frayed around the edges.    I want to crawl back into my bed where it is warm and comforting, but the day lies ahead of me, and I need to get up.  

It is in these first few moments of the morning when my head is full of ideas, and plans and what I want to do during the day.  What I want to do is always contrasting with what I need to do, and what I am actually capable of doing in a day.  I always start off the morning with some devotional time, a little time writing in my journal and I scratch a few thoughts into my writer’s notebook.  The ideas begin churning over in my head over breakfast.  A word, a thought, a sentence…But then we fight to make the lunches, and pack the bags and get out the door.

At work the emails and the paperwork stack up and my ideas start to float away.   I grasp at them slightly wondering if I will get a chance to write about it later in the day.   I write for work, I edit, I email, I call people, and soon my brain has completely switched modes and all my thoughts of writing have completely floated away. 

In some ways, I think my writer’s notebook is great.  I can write down ideas when I am not home, or when I don’t have time to write.  I can save all the fleeting thoughts for when I do have time.   In other ways I think I can use it as an excuse to jot down an idea and avoid developing it in the moment.  I put it of thinking I can write about it later.  Another excuse to stop writing.   Believe me when I say if anyone can come up with an excuse not to write it is me.  I have a house to run, and 3 jobs, and 3 kids, and a slew of other things that get in the way.   

Writing is something I really enjoy, it is something that brings me joy.    So, sometimes I skip that load of laundry and I take a few moments to write one of my thoughts down, and then I actually turn that thought into a blog entry.

Grateful kids

A much needed day off happened today.  A day where I was surrounded by my girls.   A day filled with laughter.  A day filled with fun.  A day filled with smiles.  At least that is the kind of day that I expected to happen.   For the most part, the day was wonderful, but before the sun had awakened one daughter had already complained no less than nine times.   The complaining was apparently catching and pretty soon I had three complainers on my hands.

This ungrateful stance led me down a path where I began to wonder...  Have I instilled thankful hearts in my daughters?  Am I complaining so much that it is rubbing off on them?  My prayer journal is filled with thanks.  I have pages and pages of praise and thanksgiving for all the wonderful things in my life.  Do they know that?  Do they see my heart as thankful or as ungrateful?

God clearly calls us to give thanks.  He doesn't call us to give thanks occasionally. He doesn't call us to give thanks only when something really great happens, but instead He calls us to give thanks ALL the time.  "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:18.   

I fully believe that having a thankful heart leads to pure joy.  I want my daughters to experience a life where they can fully experience the blessing God has poured out for them.  I want them to experience the joy of thanking God for the small things-  for the fridge full of food, for socks right out of the dryer, for snuggles, and stolen moments of family time.    The more they thank God for these things, the easier it will be to be thankful on the days when things are not quite as easy.

All that remains then is this:  How can I better teach my daughters to have thankful hearts?  To do this I think there are two different categories.  The first category is full of  things I can do everyday, and the second are things we can do in the long-term.

Ways to be thankful everyday:

1. Stop and thank God out loud for the everyday things that surround us. These are the things I am already praying in my head, but I can share them out loud!  I can give them concrete examples!  If I am not thanking God out loud then they won't be either!

2. Ask them the question: What would you like to thank God for today?  This is something we do in our evening prayers.  We thank God for something that happened that day.  It is one of my favorite moments at bedtime.  

3.  Say "Thank you!"  Sounds simple enough right?  But kids are not going to say thank you unless we are!    Be the example and say thank you!   Bonus points if you thank your child!

Ways to expand their thankful hearts:

1. Create a thankful jar.  This idea is simple enough, decorate a jar and leave it somewhere that the kids can fill it with slips of paper listing things they are thankful for.

2.  Keep Thank you cards in the house.   I love sending thank you cards, and I love having my daughters help.

3.  Create a bigger picture.  Volunteer, and help other people.  I want my daughters to experience a world, and a life story that is bigger than just them.  By creating a bigger story my daughters can grow to be thankful for what they have.

4.  Refill the glass.  It is normal for everyone to see the glass as half empty from time to time.  But I can look for moments to teach my daughters to see the silver lining in those situations!