And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

Monday, December 1, 2014

Advent

I don't know if it is my Catholic upbringing, my constantly seeking heart, or my general love for Christmas, but I love Advent.  When I was a child my mom always had the Advent wreath out.  We would light the candles and read from the bible that sat on our coffee table.   We would pray, and sit together as a family.  It was in those moments that I really learned to seek the Lord always.

Advent is a season to prepare your heart.  It is a time to reflect.  A time to celebrate.  A time to be in awe of the greatest gift that has ever happened.   I want my children to have the opportunity to celebrate Advent with me.  We don't have an advent wreath,   My kids are not going to experience Advent exactly the way that I did.   But we do our own Advent traditions.

We have made paper trees with each ring containing a part of the Christmas story.  Each day we read a bit of it until Christmas where we sit down and read the whole thing.  We always go through our toys, and belongings and leave a bag for Santa to take to kids who otherwise wouldn't get anything.  We sing Christmas carols, and we dance around our family room.    There is so much joy I want them to experience!

There are times when I am not sure that it is sinking in.  I don't know that the understand how amazing Christmas is apart from the gifts,    But then there are moments when one of them wants to read the Christmas story out loud, or I hear their little voices belting out traditional Christmas carols, and I know that the seed has been planted.   In those moments I am filled with more joy than any tree, any present, or any Christmas gathering can bring!

 It is those moments that I am holding on to, and praying that in the future when times are hard, when things are rough that they remember the peace, and the joy, and the amazing gift that God sent us in Jesus!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

The hazards of writer's block

I love to write.  Every November I reminded of this as I head into the Nano season.  (If you don't know what that is check it out: nanowrimo.org)  I love sharing what is on my mind.  I love developing characters.  I love telling stories.  If I am totally honest my least favorite part of writing is editing.

This November it is slightly different for me.  I am writing for the first time in months.   I have not gone this long in between writing since I fell in love with it in high school.  I would tell you how long ago that was, but then I am reminded about how old I am.  But writing again!  A small victory in my life.

After getting sick in August, and having my entire world shifted I couldn't bring myself to write.  I would pull up my blog to a fresh blank screen ready to write.  Ready to let the thoughts that had been zooming around in my head come spilling out on to the page, and yet nothing would come.  The thoughts vanished.

When October rolled around and my best friend asked if I had any ideas for Nano this year I hesitated.  I honestly didn't think I could do it.   I didn't have any ideas.  I hadn't been able to blog in a few months.  I hadn't picked up my journal, or written a poem.  Could I really write 50k words in one month after all this?

Thank God for best friends because she convinced me to try.  What was the worst thing that could happen?  I could fail.   But I would fail more if I didn't even try.  

Now I am sitting here. I am writing.  The words are coming, and they might not be great.  They might need a lot of editing, but I am writing.  

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Celebrating Imperfection

Being a mom, and a wife, and having several jobs it is easy to get caught up in the day to day struggles.   I wake up and I have an idea in my head of how the day should go.  I have a list of things I want to accomplish.   I think: Today I will be patient, and kind.  Today I will stay focused on the Lord the entire day.    I will pray first, think after.   I will wake up and spend some much needed time resting in God's presence.  Then I will make breakfast and coffee.  The kids and I will sit together and eat, and shortly after breakfast everyone will get dressed and we will start the list of things we need to get done that day.    If all goes well, we get it all done and even have some extra time to just be together.

I should start by saying that I do have days that go this well.  I love these days.  They are amazing.  It is easy to stay focused.  It is easy to stay calm, and patient.  I can pray at all times, and even pray more than usual with the girls.

Then there are the other days...

I wake up an hour earlier than my kids to spend some time with God, and within 5 minutes I have been interrupted 6 times.  Little feet running around upstairs, or the 2-year-old trying to get out of bed early.  I still manage to get some time in, but it is not as relaxing and as fulfilling as it usually is.

Breakfast is chaos.  There is spilled milk all over the table and the floor.  My blessed 2-year-old is trying to clean up the milk before the dog licks it all up.  She of course, doesn't want help.  My older two daughters are already at each other's throats.   They have chosen to argue over who gets to sit at the head of the table since Dad is still in the shower.   I pour myself a cup of coffee, while quietly saying a prayer.

I know what is about to happen when breakfast is over, and everyone has to get dressed and do chores.  I know that there will be whining and arguing.  I can already tell that today is not going to be an "easy" day.  Today is going to be a day where each step of the way is going to be a challenge.   Today is going to be a day where my patience is tested every step of the way.  Today is likely going to be a day where I raise my voice in frustration at some point when no one is listening when I ask nicely.  Today I am going to be so tired by the time my husband comes home that it will be a struggle to be a joyful wife.

I could get stuck in the hard moments.  Sometimes I do.  Sometimes the struggle of the day overtakes me, and I forget to pray.  I forget to breathe.  I forget to enjoy the more amazing moments.   We all forget sometimes.

Today I am choosing to celebrate.

I am going to celebrate that even though milk was spilled everywhere my daughter offered to clean it up without being asked.

I am going to celebrate that even though my older two fight they love each other more as each day passes.

I am going to celebrate the moment at the end of the day where we sat down to watch a movie and all three of my kids piled on top of me and snuggled in.

I am going to celebrate the moment when I could have yelled, but I didn't.

Most importantly, I will celebrate the fact that through each struggle, and each moment I am choosing to lean more on the Lord.  To pray through the harder moments, to call on God's grace for myself and for my kids.  I am learning everyday that I cannot do it without Him.     I am constantly learning that I don't have to be perfect, but imperfect in the Lord.






Friday, May 30, 2014

I am not your friend

Dear Daughter,

I love hanging out with you.  I love having crazy dance parties.  I love talking about the books that we have read together.  I love the days where we bake, and play and sing.    I love that you confide in me.  That I am the person you trust most in the world.  I love knowing not only your favorite color, but also all your secrets.   I love all the laughter, and all the love between us.  But I need to be clear.  I am first and foremost, your mom...not your friend.

I am here to help you stretch the right boundaries.  To teach you which rules are made to follow.  To teach you to love.  I am here to work with you so that you can become the strongest, and most wonderful woman that God made you to be.

I am not always going to make it easy for you.  I know you don't want to help clean the house, or fold the laundry.  I know that you want to be able to have internet and a television in your room.  I am aware that I am infinitely mean for not buying you a phone when "like literally everyone has one."

When you come to me asking to read a book that is too mature for you, as you did today, I am going to say no.   I don't care how mad you are.  I don't care if you think I am mean.  I don't care if in that moment it doesn't feel like I care about what you want.  I care about you more by not letting you read that book, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

The bottom line is I DO care.  And it is because I care that I am going to be your mom.    What you need right now is a Mom.    I am here to do just that.  It is not always going to be easy.  I cannot promise I will be perfect or never make mistakes. I hope you can learn from not only your mistakes, but mine as well.  I hope to be the kind of mom that teaches you it is ok to make a mistake.  I also, hope to teach you how to make amends for those mistakes.

What I can promise is to always be there for you no matter how bad you mess up, no matter what the problem big or small.   I promise I will always love you.  I will always be here to help you and guide you.  I promise to help you when you feel unsure, and to protect you when you need it.  I promise to give you a little push when you need to fly, and to hold you back when it is not quite time.

 One day when you grow up I do hope to not only be your mom but your friend as well.  Until then, I am going to stick with just being mom.

Love you!
Mom

Monday, February 3, 2014

Making a bigger story for my kids. Valentine's Day Edition.





I have been thinking a lot about the upcoming Valentine’s day, and what that means for our family.  Ordinarily, Valentine's day is a time when I make pink heart shaped pancakes.  It is a time when I help the girls make their class cards, and we each make cards for each other.    My favorite part is in the morning on Valentine's day before the kids go to school.  I make a bigger breakfast than usual and they each get a very small trinket.    

  I love the holidays and I find great happiness in spreading joy to my family and friends.  I know that my daughters see me loving other people, and they see me giving.  But in a world where they receive so many things I think it is important to show them that their life story is bigger.  Life is bigger than just getting pink pancakes and a Lalaloopsy doll.   

In order to really make this clear for my kids, and to make it fun I created a Valentine's Day challenge.  I created 7 daily challenges.  One for each day leading up to Valentine's day.   Each morning when the girls wake up they will open an envelope that gives them a challenge for that day.   I am hoping that by spending the next 7 days doing things for other people they will see a bigger story to loving other people.  After all,  Jesus came and told us to Love God, and Love Others.    Jesus taught us that love is the most important thing of all.  


I tried to incorporate the challenges with a verse each day.  That way the girls see where the challenges are coming from, and have a better understanding of why we are doing them.   


Here are the challenges:

Day One:   Say something kind to someone at school today.   "Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy to the body."  Proverbs 16:24

I think with so many unkind words going around the schools, and the daily challenges and frustrations it is important that my daugthers practice kind words.  

Day Two:  Do a secret service for someone in your family.  "The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life; a wise person wins friends."  Proverbs 11:30

Secret service for us is just at term that means a favor.  Maybe they will choose to make someone else's bed, or do a chore.   It can be any basic act of service.

Day Three:  Bake cookies and deliver them to one of your neighbors.  "Love your neighbor as yourself."  Mark 12:31

This challenge is a little more time consuming, but the time we will spend baking the cookies and deciding who we will deliver them to will also open up a little time for more conversations about why we are doing the challenges.

Day Four:  Spend 10 minutes with Jesus today.  Thank Him for loving you so much.  "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."  Matthew 6:33

It is just as important to love God as it is to love others, and while it is more tangible for kids to deliver cookies, or help others I think it is also important to teach them to give time to God.

Day 5:    Call someone today just to tell them that you love them.  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."  1 Corinthians 13:13

I love this challenge.  How much fun is it to get a call from someone just because they love you!

Day 6:  Write a letter or send a card to someone who might be lonely, or who you miss a lot.  "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."  Proverbs 3:3

Who doesn't love getting a letter in the mail?  

Day 7:  Think of your 3 favorite things about everyone in the family.  Share your words around the dinner table.  "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

I  love this challenge because I think it makes our family bonds stronger, encourages each other, and once again leaves us open for conversation.


When the challenge is over of course, I will still be making pink pancakes, and yes my daughters will still get a small trinket.  But I am excited to see how much more their hearts will change from the challenges!!