If there is one thing in life I can guarantee everyone will
face it is adversity. I have faced a lot of adversity in my life. I
have had days, months and years where the weight of the world presses down upon
me, and I feel as if I cannot breathe my next breath without falling to my
knees. But I am faced with an entirely new kind of adversity right now.
The kind of adversity that is affecting my daughter. The kind of
adversity where I have tucked her in to bed at night shaking with anxiety,
fear. and incomprehension. Big tears flowing into her pillow as she asks
me "Why? Why me? Why is my life so tough right now?"
I struggle over my response. I have an answer, but the
answer is complicated. The answer is developed from years of practice and
leaning into a God who is bigger than I am. A God who has carried me
through. My answer has been cultivated. It has ebbed and flowed.
It is not perfect, but my answer has been formed on to my heart.
Dear Daughter,
If I stumble on my words right now it is because I am
struggling to find the right thing to say. I am struggling to explain how
to face this adversity, while balancing wanting to take it all away from you.
As your mom, I have the right to want to take away everything you are
going through. Let me start off by
saying; You don't deserve this. You did nothing to make any of this
happen, and I am so sorry. I have watched you face a lot of turmoil in
your years, and each and every time with God's help you have overcome. I
am so proud of you for that. So proud.
You ask me, “why”. I don't have an entire answer for
you. I don't know why. I don't know what is going to happen. What
I do know is that Jesus never promised that we wouldn't face adversity.
"In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I
have overcome the world." (John 16:33). Jesus tells us that
bad things are going to happen. That sucks. It just does. It
is going to hurt while we go through it sometimes extremely so. But I
have learned while Jesus hasn't delivered you from your adversity, He will
deliver you as you go through it. (And in the end he HAS overcome!)
We have this incredible opportunity when we face adversity.
We can cry, and lament, we can lean in to Jesus. We can fall to our
knees, and give in to all our weaknesses. We can offer our brokenness and
our pain, and our uncertainty. We can let God pick up the pieces, and we
can trust that His goodness, His strength, and His love will get us through.
As I type those words they seem powerful and I know them to be true, and
yet at the same time trusting isn’t always easy to do. I can hear you
saying "yeah mom, I have tried that." I get it. I really do.
It hurts. It's hard. It sucks. Sometimes the pain, and the fear,
and the uncertainty are so raw that I have cried myself to sleep. I have
wanted to give up on more than one occasion.
Sometimes even though I have been praying, and leaning in... God can
feel far away. For me, that last part is the hardest.
But in going through all that, here is what I have learned.
God always, ALWAYS gets me through. He always has a plan. He
always covers me. We feel like we have to overcome, but God has already
overcome. He has already fought the battle. He knows how it all
will end. In fact, God tells us "Not to fear" 365 times in the
bible. That is one verse for every single day, all year long. I
love that!
In fact, when we lean in and we allow God to cover our
weaknesses. He becomes our strength. "But he said to me, “My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore
I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power
may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses,
in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when
I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). I don't want
to sugar coat it. This isn't always easy. I have had to come back
time and again on my knees, humbled. I am not perfect, and I won't ever
be. But I do know that it works. Have faith.
So darling, lean in to God. Cry out, and tell him why
you are struggling. Trust, and have faith that He has you covered no
matter what this world brings. Live your life in the assurance of His
love for you. Live out of His goodness, and His ablility to take care of
you. He will be your strength. He will see you through. He
will always be there no matter how much you are hurting, or how far away He may
at times feel. You can do this! You are covered.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for
you." 1 Peter 5:7
I love you, You are strong.
You are beautiful. You can do
this.
Love,
Mom
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